warm beer cold women

it's twenty degrees outside today. twenty Minus degrees.
-20*C. it's so freaking cold.
i don't want to go out at all today.
but i have to go to bolaget and buy me some wine for tonight.
joi is having a male birthday party with no women allowed until midnight so i'm heading for annys house
with wine, cosmos, eating, knitting, talking and maybe some bookmaking! looking forward to it!

yesterday was schoolday and i had a meeting with leif my supervisor for the project
and suddenly everything was making a little more sense and i am feelin a little more calm. much to do still, but easier in a way.
thank you leif.

going home from stockholm to nyköping was a little like beeing in hell i guess.
there was total fucking chaos on centralen and almost every train was delayed or cancelled and there were no information what so ever and the one information that came out were totally wrong.
imagine tousands of people wandering around in 15 minusdegrees and noone knows were to head and the platforms where the train should leave from is beeing change back and forth every minute and it's friday and people just wanna go home. it was like hell.
(my new version of hell is just like this in a way, beeing stucked on a trainstation with tousands of angry people in a very cold and shitty snowstrom on a friday and your train will be delayed over and over but never gonna arrive.)

but, at last my train came and i was just 45 minute late home and yet home i went to puben and drank some beers with daniel. it was nice and life was feeling a little bit better again.
well, that was my little todays yesterday resumé, a very long post, sorry.;)
now i'm off for the city.
xo

the beginning is the end is the beginning

i've been whining a lot in my last posts and i'm getting pretty sick of myself.
but i really don't know were i am or were i am going.
i hate beeing out of my own control.
i have decided to start over with new things for my project.
because i really don't like anything i have come up with so far.
hate it, you could say.
bummer.

some news from today

going in circles

seems like forever since my last post, but at the same time, like time is going way to fast.
i went to school this monday and then i've been working at home for two days now.
but the more i work the more self-critical i get, and the more self-critical i get, the more i work, and the more self-critical i get...
so. regardless how much i work, i don't seem to get anywhere, it seems more like going backwards, in the old, so well known, circles.

blablabla.
need a vacation far far away from myself and my brain.
and btw, it's snowing cats and dogs outside and it feels like i never want to go out again. ever.

parts

wrong directions & everything else

right now i don't know were i am anymore.
it feels like i'm lost in a maze with no way out.
right now it feels like i'm standing still and everything around me is happen to fast, and i can't seem to grasp anything at all.
the project i've been workin on for several months is starting to slip through my fingers and i have beginning to hate every little piece of it.
right now i really don't know wich way to go or what to do next.

why will i always end up at the same fucking jävla place, no matter what?
jävla kukskalle.

well.

what happend to global warming?

it's been a weird week and my mind have been upside down. haven't been a good blogger, but a good worker though.
so. going to school today, write more tonight or tomorrow and uploading some pics of my recent works.

last but not least, i thought i liked the winter, but apparantly not anymore.
so please dear god, santa or anyone who decides, please let there be spring soon.

i'm back, kind of, sort of

i've been in my own little world these last days.
saturdays was the quite upside-down-inside/out-very-emotional day.
yesterday was a sunday-stormy-outside, never-wanna-go-out-again-inside day
today is a monday, have-to-work-like-hell-again-if-i-ever-ever-gonna-be-done-with-my-project day.
well.
so.
guess i have to work instead of hangnin around here then.
xo

about going aways

my grandmother died this morning.

it feels... sad ofcourse, but still.. alright.

she was 90 years old. she's now on a better place.

calm.
r.i.p
-love k.

kent - 747

sthlm, school & screenprinting

going to sthlm again today.
have to fix some things in school, like my screenframe and finally make some prints!!
looking forward to that, been way to long since i last did it.
sleepover at cecilias tonight.
be back tomorrow.
hugs

staying, drawing and bookprojecting

my school started this week as i wrote in my last post.
but now i've been home for two days in a row.
it's weird, but i'm not able to work, or come up with any new ideas when i'm there at all.
in my mind, it's supposed to be the other way around, because it's a creative place, with creative people and an overall creative enviroment.
but i get totally locked when i'm there.
luckily for me, we are able to work from wherever we want, unless there's no lectures or anything.
this is what i came up with yesterday, at home.

the other in-between smaller bookproject so far, besides the bigger bookproject

 

back to reality

home again after a short visit in karlskrona.
my grandmother's still hanging on, even though it seems there's nothing left to hang on to.
she can barely eat, nor talk, walk, move, sit, or anything of the things that makes human a person.
all she do is sleep, and when she's awake she is talking to the walls with words we do not understand.
life takes cruel mysterious ways, and i often wonder why.

now i'm off to stockholm and school.
by train.
with sj.
life really is cruel.

the yesterday indoor photoquest

yesterday the sun was shining and i felt for taking a walk with my camera,
to take some more winter-cheesy-landscape-photos to clean my mind,
but since there still was the minusdegrees from hell outside and my fingers don't really stand that,
i took a little camerawalk in my apartment instead.

by train with the shortest notice

yesterday my mother called and told me that my grandmother is sick, so today we are leaving for blekinge, karlskrona over the weekend.
i take my laptop with me.
see you.
hugs

goodbye to the holidays (thank god)

today is the last red day, then the christmas will be really over.
thank god that these holidaysnonsens are over.
yesterday i was able to work with something for like 4 hours in a row.
it's more than i have managed for several weeks.
i guess i need a vacation, like weekdays.

i want to write in english here at the blogg, but i always feel like a fåntratt doing it.
but it would be fun, though more people would understand, and i would be able to work on my english-not-so-much-skills.
well. hmm, we'll see.
hugs

i tried and tried and tried and tried

and tried and tried to keep the crowds away

longing for everything but this

igår var en typisk första nyårsdag med allt vad det innebär som film, godis och soffhäng.
idag är nog mer den första dagen på året.
har städat sen imorse men fortfarande känns det som jag inte fått något gjort alls.
solen lyser in genom fönstret som vittnar om att det borde tvättas just fönster.
längtar lite till kvällen då allt sådant döljs av mörkret.

det är intressant det här med nytt år, kyla, snö och januari.
för 3 veckor sen när vintern kom var jag jättelycklig över att få se snö och få uppleva vinter på riktigt for once.
det höll i ungefär 3 veckor.
nu tycker jag att vintern kan ta slut.
man är en så jävla jobbigt komplex tröttsam varelse som fan i mig aldrig blir nöjd.
puss